Today I plucked up the courage to call an agent and send a synopsis to her. It only took about 1 week of research, 5 calls where the phone rung out, 3 hours of procrastinating, 2 nervous poos and a bucket of sweat. The actual conversation was like 10 seconds. All the things I thought to say just... didn’t come out. Anyway, I’ve sent a follow-up email, and now it’s time for the waiting game. I think I will go mental with self doubt and vulnerability in the next week if I don’t busy myself. I now see, with more accuracy, the agonizing and long road ahead.
So. Firsthand experience of anxiety. My empathy this week for clients will be sky high.
From this, I noticed (not only just how much of an idiot I am... welcome to the pools of self depreciation I bathe in) that I’ve engineered my day-to-day to be waaaaay too comfortable for myself.
I need to go out and do more things that shake my foundation. I need to do more things were I do not feel in charge. Where I feel that everything is out of my control. Where I bite off more than I can chew. Where I get headaches. That’s the only way I’m going to build a bridge. Because what happened today was cringe worthy. More so than that time I pulled a 40 year old dude out of a taxi because I thought he was my teenage brother.
This bumbling person I was over the phone is not who I want to be. So... I will think of something. Maybe I need to... call up my old thesis supervisor and ask her if she wants to write me a reference so I can apply for a master’s degree... or something. Anyway. I will think of something.
What I meant to say is that today I queried an agent (I think), which I’m sure unlocks some sort of achievement badge. Hooray me.
I also finished Shadechasers, a short story I started almost a year ago! I never thought I’d get there. The writing is rough, sentences awkward, but I really like the characters, and so I was determined to finish it. Maybe I’ll even revise it. Who knows. Let’s not get any crazy ideas.
I’ve still got 3 unfinished works: the next Sasha story (Price of Winning), Game in Play, and a short/midlength one with no fantasy/sci-fi in it whatsoever. I want to try and close them off before starting something new, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Trying to write something new again for this year. No ideas so far. I’m not too worried, because ideas come. The problem is whether the ideas will be any good. And whether I will be any good at writing them.
So. Firsthand experience of anxiety. My empathy this week for clients will be sky high.
From this, I noticed (not only just how much of an idiot I am... welcome to the pools of self depreciation I bathe in) that I’ve engineered my day-to-day to be waaaaay too comfortable for myself.
I need to go out and do more things that shake my foundation. I need to do more things were I do not feel in charge. Where I feel that everything is out of my control. Where I bite off more than I can chew. Where I get headaches. That’s the only way I’m going to build a bridge. Because what happened today was cringe worthy. More so than that time I pulled a 40 year old dude out of a taxi because I thought he was my teenage brother.
This bumbling person I was over the phone is not who I want to be. So... I will think of something. Maybe I need to... call up my old thesis supervisor and ask her if she wants to write me a reference so I can apply for a master’s degree... or something. Anyway. I will think of something.
What I meant to say is that today I queried an agent (I think), which I’m sure unlocks some sort of achievement badge. Hooray me.
I also finished Shadechasers, a short story I started almost a year ago! I never thought I’d get there. The writing is rough, sentences awkward, but I really like the characters, and so I was determined to finish it. Maybe I’ll even revise it. Who knows. Let’s not get any crazy ideas.
I’ve still got 3 unfinished works: the next Sasha story (Price of Winning), Game in Play, and a short/midlength one with no fantasy/sci-fi in it whatsoever. I want to try and close them off before starting something new, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Trying to write something new again for this year. No ideas so far. I’m not too worried, because ideas come. The problem is whether the ideas will be any good. And whether I will be any good at writing them.
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